Kevin Federline - Playing With Fire
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Music CD Cover
Artist: Kevin FederlineEdition: Music CD
CD Release Date: 2006-10-31
Music Label: Reincarnate Music
Soundtracks:
- The World Is Mine
- America's Most Hated
- Snap
- Lose Control
- Dance With A Pimp
- Privilege
- Crazy
- A League Of My Own
- Playing With Fire
- Caught Up
- Kept On Walkin'
- Bonus Track 1
- Bonus Track 2
Free Music Notes for Playing With Fire
Free Music Review: Kevin Federline: Shakespeare in Disguise?
Hit: 5 Stars
I am an 82 year old professor at Cambridge University, specializing in Spacetime Quadrilateralization Analysis. I also teach a Poetry 101 class. One of my students recently insisted that I borrow this compact disc, claiming that its content was indeed "quite special." I had never heard of this Kevin Federline fellow, so I was initially skeptical of the quality of his composition. Later that evening I arrived at my Newnham chateau and, as I settled down with a cup of refreshing Earl Grey, slid the compact disc into my jukebox. Nothing could have prepared me for the brilliance I then witnessed.
As a self-professed connoisseur of both temporal studies and the fine arts, I can now claim with certainty that Mr. Federline is in fact William Shakespeare. Some of you may think I am making a grandiose allusion; that I am merely comparing Mr. Federline to Shakespeare. I say to thee, "nay." The ties run much deeper than simple association. As my future textbook will inform the whole of academia, "Kevin Federline" is the modern pseudonym of the real life William Shakespeare, who has traversed the centuries to the present by means of time travel.
I am sure that the majority of you will share the same view as my academic colleagues; that I am a crazy old codger. Nonsense! This is a fabrication of your subconscious mind...a natural defense mechanism designed to protect you from the unequivocal truth; that Kevin Federline is indeed William Shakespeare. If you would simply place a photograph of Kevin Federline beside a painting of Shakespeare, you would realize their facial features are completely identical! No, your eyes do not deceive you! If that alone is not evidence enough, listen to the divine excellence of Mr. Federline's poetry:
"That was my fault, but the rest was you / Yeah, I missed my first million cause I left with you / But it was all about feelings when I stepped to you / Now I'm chopped up feeling like a vegetable"
This passage not only displays immaculate iambic pentameter, but it shows Mr. Federline's unparalleled mastery of the English language. He rhymes the word "you" with itself not two, but three times, a literary style that is often imitated but rarely mastered. The simile "chopped up feeling like a vegetable" is remarkably sophisticated and avoids all forms of cliché. The passage as a whole invokes an eerie longing that is irrefutably reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet.
"Kev Federline and a whole set of dimes / `Cause Benjamin Franklin is a good friend of mine / I know you're mad cause your girl wants to watch me / But I hate haters like the f***in' paparazzi"
William Shakespeare would often frequent the nightclubs of 16th century England and entice fair maidens with his dancing abilities, thus enraging their husbands. One of the harshest critics of Shakespeare's plays was a renowned Italian theater enthusiast named Fabrizio Paparazzi. It is only natural that Shakespeare would still harbor animosity towards the man, even when expressing himself through rap music in the 21st century. Additionally, the fact that "Mr. Federline" is good friends with Benjamin Franklin proves that he has journeyed through time, making a stop at the 1700's along the way.
"When the pen hits the pad / It's in the left hand / Every single word is worth thirty grand / Or maybe more / Don't think they understand / How much cake the pancake man had"
This is perfection in the form of song! It is a little known fact that Shakespeare, like Mr. Federline, was left handed. The claim that his words are "worth thirty grand" shows that Mr. Federline is extremely confident in his writing ability...much like William Shakespeare was. Also, in the mid 1570's Shakespeare referred to himself as "The Pancake Man", often regaling friends with his confessions of love for nice fluffy flapjacks with a healthy drizzling of maple syrup.
"I ain't tryin to get to yell and sh** / So when you hear that snap, then get the hell in the whip / And chickenheads they scare me, tryin to get near me / Like `Kev, you still married?'"
Even though I am a poetry aficionado, the first line does confuse me. Why would Mr. Federline equate his "yelling" with defecation? Regardless, this matter is irrelevant. Moving forward. You may not initially understand what Mr. Federline means when he tells us to "get the hell in the whip." Because all genius must also harbor some modicum of insanity, William Shakespeare would often make ludicrous demands of his friends. He once thought his chamber pot was a volcano instead, so he instructed an associate to "get in it" in order to appease the restless volcano gods. As shown in the last two lines, Shakespeare's delirium is still very much in tact. His unwarranted terror of severed chicken heads stalking him and inquiring about his marital status is completely bananas.
As you can see, my research into this matter is quite extensive and logically sound. William Shakespeare, with the help some forgotten alien technology (or a Time-Roving Space Ranger), found a means to travel to the 21st century and cleverly disguise himself as a boneheaded trailer trash gold digging loser. Luckily for us, the loyal fans, his writing skill is still largely in tact. It only saddens me that, when I returned the compact disc to its owner and informed my poetry class of my discoveries, they both laughed at AND belittled me! When my fellow professors learned of my breakthrough, they shunned me! They claimed that Kevin Federline wasn't Shakespeare in disguise. They claimed that he truly IS a boneheaded trailer trash gold digging loser. But they know the truth...oh yes. Yes...yes, they are simply fooling themselves. There will come a day when I will be acknowledged for my brilliant revelation! BAHAHAHA! Shakespearline! Federspeare! He is an artistic mastermind! MAAAAHAHAHA!
- Dr. Bartholomew T. Sympeltun
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